Monday, November 06, 2006
No mood to blog actually...but just need a listening ear...
Alot of things caught my attention lately...abt frens...abt life..abt Love...think i've busy-ied mysef wif sch for me to think abt these "minor" stuffs...stuffs dat most of us juz took for granted... how much hv i chnge since..begining of poly life, or shud i say...after Irsyad...one to say...i've said lesser "sorry" hahah...now..i copied more den i shud...n personality...i donno...i juz becoming more dun care i gez...its juz, when u r being wif guys...u dun feel like as tho u're being judge...only if im arnd the malay guys lah...dat is very rare lah...but wateva it is...im still me...
ouh..yah..i was bored this afternoon, so i went to mardy's blog..n click on her past...den, i read her post on october 2004...the sentence caught my attention arh..the sentence was.."Fiz the beauty..." i mean...at dat time, she noes dat deres no way i wud read her blog...n like, i donno... everytime, ppl say dat im pretty or wateva..i juz feel like dey're trying to be nice...coz, u dun go on telling an ugly person u're ugly rite? further more, dey r my fens...so...up till today, i kept on thinking ppl r juz ttrying to b nice...so, frm today onwards, if ppl say im (wateva), i will say.. "You're way more gorgeous ursef!!" hahaha....den wat else...ouh yah,,
actually...i wanna say dis here arh...but, i cannot say...but, everytime ppl say dis...it juz shatters my heart arh....how not to..like even if i dun wish to...it does...but, i cant run away frm it, coz they nd me...how?? i think..i can still be strong...maybe deres still abit left...when i recharged, den its been used up again..i juz nd to recharged again...i will be strong for dem...but at times, i juz wished dey dun tell me...dis brings me to another tot...am i a gud fren?? i feel lousy... if i were smone else, i wudnt want a fren like me sia...like, its totally unnessary...i gez, my frens are really special, coz dey r aBle to put up wif my nonsense, n still declare me as a fren...U PEEPS MAKE ME PROUD!!
gez..dats all...for now
"we all hv a past to forget...and because of that, we hv forgotten abt our awaitting future.."
"ALLAH, AMBILLAH AKU SEADANYA..I AM STRONG ENUF!!"
she told
the story ...
10:08 PM
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Laz nite, i fought wif my bro. not say fought lah but kinda like bertekak..lah..abt wat? well..he said he dont wanna work after ORD..he wanna sit for o lvl...i was like... WAT??? imagine, he hvnt gone to sch for wat, 7 years of his life??? he hvnt done serious schling n he wanna sit for o lvl?? WAT THE FUCK IN THE WORLD??? i was like trying to make sense in him, but he...juz wouldnt listen...i noe i said a few things dat hurt him..but i was juz trying to make him realised dat o lvl is SERIOUSLY no joke....did i make it seem like one??? seriously...he doesnt noe the TIME i scarified for o lvl...he doesnt noe, nobody in this house noes....i worked my ass of... imagine, i did ALLL the 10 years series for maths n physics....CAN he do dat?? he doesnt noe the tears i cried...the TIMES i feel like giving up..when i feel like killing mysef...when i felt o lvl mite juz be abit too much for me...he doesnt know HOW TOUGH IT IS!!!! its not abt making it alone...its abt the journey....for the whole year, can he sacrified not meeting his girlfren as often.. not going out as often...comit to do all the hmwrk, the pprs...the classes...can he swears that he wont ponn even a lesson wif no valid reason???? fuck man...i tell u seriously....he shud really noe it not as easy as i made it seem...i wish, he were to be more humble in realising dat hes not dat great. still remember Nabil, when he said hes going bck to sch n taking N lvl, i asked him, why nvr take o lvl? he said.."Nabil da 4 tahon tak pegi sch..." My stoopid bro??? 6 years of no serious schling....haiz....wat is he afraid of?? i mean look at kok long..he like wat? 22? 23? hes in poly... deres nothing wrong wat..ppl dun discriminte him, ppl luk up to him...!! n my bro, is seriously not the sch type...wat hppns if after o lvl or n lvl he dun wanna stadi anymore?? n if he sat for o, confirm cannot make it one...n if he failed?? den lets say he applied for work...n the person luk at a failed o n a pass n.. which one wud he prefer??? haiz... abg, jgn lah degil...haiz..imagine, hes malay reading only is already jahanam...not to say english...n within less then a year.... u think he can make it??? i am not being mean. i am not looking dwn on him. he is smart, but he makes stoopid decisionS.
she told
the story ...
10:00 AM
Friday, November 03, 2006
At last...a proper post...
I am now at sch, at ease...today was no rush. This morning, i decided to take things slow...nd to cum sch for workshop. but i dun care..woke up at 620 frm the usual 550. took a long bath..get ready to sch slowly...den, near 7 went out frm house. tot i was gonna be late larh...but i dun care, didnt even look at my watch the whole journey till a bas stp away frm sch. gez wat time it is? 745 am. still not late. so, i walked slowly to blk 51, oso becoz im hvin cramps frm yesterday's rugby.... which is like walking frm newton mrt stn to shell stn..(u all still remember how far??) den, luk at the watch, its only 758...i smiled. the weather was nice..u cud still feel the "embun" in the air. then, i opened the door. saw kok long. azhar...blabla...the rest lah..den, hv a nice small talks...went to cls...cls was great. cud kok long kept asking qsns dat were in my head..so,i understood moz of it. den duin quiz, tim wasnt acting like a jerk or ass..hahah...maybe coz he see kok long treats me nicely arh...(kok long is kinda like the leader in the cls). after dat was maths. it was kinda horrible, coz i was damn hungry...u noe how i am when im hungry rite? damn grumpy...the lect cudnt take any more sucky remarks n curses frm us, so he let us off earlier.. today was nice, like atlast, i got things together..planned..no rush...wow..wishing everyday to be like dis...but yah..i still got lots of tutorial pending n gonna hv a quiz soon...i hv all weekends...no rush..relex...fiza is finally breathing...
ester, my cats module classmate, asked me if i wanna join Life Guard as a cca...im really considering it...it starts on wed..perfect, juz as soon as i got all this cramps cured..me? life guard?
not cho enuf?? hahah...will think abt it..
evry friday, the week's jigsaw will cum together before being jumble for yet another week...
she told
the story ...
1:47 PM
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
haiz...though it has only been 2 days since i last blogged, but it felt longer...this past two days juz seems like it has been a week..like wat u do in a week, i did it in juz 2 days...damn hectic sia..
wah...but, thanks to dis 2 days, i've realised how far i'd side track..so, now bck to focus arh.. cannot cannot...dis distractions wont do...imagine, so far, i've not done any tutorials....only copied..BLINDLY...haiz..wats becoming me eh? so bad...feel so tired n wornt out now...after dis week, im bz ok? no more going out till 11 nov. den...no more outing again...its time to not hitting the books, but bantai the books....
yah, i wanna post smthg to MALUkan sm1...i dun care...heck care are...
u noe, yesterday..i was at home, expecting azhar, syed n haider to cum for raya visiting..den suddenly deres dis idiot dat smsed me if i still remember him..i was like, wat de fuck? he claimed his name is "syed" i tot it was syed, my fren...but he was sm1 else...den, after "plenty" of "interriogation" he still wont tell me how he got my numberlah...its weird coz he knew where i lived..n stuffs...its weird like...like sm freaking stalker...den, i malas to entertain him..but den, dis morining, i tot..u noe wat..maybe like time for me to meet new ppl n stuffs..so juz accept the novelty lah...so i smsed him. den..after a few smses, i realised who he is. wanna noe who?? FAZLI.
yup, the jerk dat i liked, dat played me..cuming after me, like a desperate puppy...FUCKER... hahaha...im juz so mad sia...wat sia...mother...but, after figuring out who he is, i nvr replied his sms...malas arh...kesian eh..pathetic gitu...padahal we were over like wat, 3 years ago...haiz... dah tkder pompan lain ker only left me he hvnt "tasted" yet..? fucker...mother fucker...
kay..bye..
p/s: BESOK ADER CATS!!! MY ENSEM BOY...darling!! say u miss me!!!!!!!!
she told
the story ...
9:30 PM
Monday, October 30, 2006
Sharing smthg....
maser tu kan, aku nk gi mandi, den aku terdgr radio...pgi2 arh...
radio: kadangkala biler kiter renung dosa kiter begitu besar sekali..amat berat rasanya..
me(dlm ati) : haiz...talk abt it...
radio: berape besar dosa kiter ni?
me : tell me the biggest thing u know, times by the biggest number u r aware of..
radio: adakan ia sebesar bahtera Nabi Nuh? tidak? lebih besar lagi?!!
me: dats too small lah babe..
radio:adakan ia seperti pasir2 yg bertaburan di pantai?
me:it like the whole univerise covered by the pasir dat cuts into 1 million pieces lah..
radio:adakah ia sebesar dunia dan segala apa yg dlm isi nya?
me: bigger..much..much..bigger...
radio: adakah ia lebih besar dari angkasa lepas dan segala apa yg dlm nya??!
me: waddya think...?
radio: tetapi, apakah ia lebih besar dari magfirah dan keampunan Allah S.W.T?
radio: adakah ia lebih luas, lebih dalam dari rahmat Nya??
me: never...my minor problems, will never be too big, infact, can nvr be matched to His forgiveness....
so my frens....i hope, juz like how the thing inspired me, i hope it enlightens u too...remember, if God has a comp, he'll send u e-mail every hour, wishing u a gud day....
I love Allah...my God...
"Allah..dere's only one God n Muhammad is His messanger..Allah...lahilllahaillah...."
*peace*
she told
the story ...
10:36 AM
Sunday, October 29, 2006
quick update only...
really looking forward to go jln raya wif frens....
bought a le coq sportif bag....now, i really feel like a sch girl...
cut my hair...totally love it...coz its damn short...miss my hair short..
n, i've cancel the idea of me going to NTU...haiz...if i were the first child, maybe..its possible..
but, if i keep on schling...dat means my parents hv to keep on working. dun think my mom cud work for another 3 years after i graduate...she be too tired...n papa...will still hv to work to pay of house bill...when the cpf money has all gone...den, me n abg gotta work to help pay the house n to keep food on the table...n when abg got married, i will hv to be the sole bread winner..rite? dat means..no time to get married...yah...juz nice...work my ass off...till i can afford a condo...den, maybe, everything will be at ease...at least, even abit...haiz...so, juz a dip will do...maybe not even gud enuf to repair airplane or be the person to sign off...but....i gez, i juz hv to work mysef to the top...rite?? ok~~ dats all...gud nites...
she told
the story ...
9:02 PM
Thursday, October 26, 2006
I am totally hungry rite now....haiz...so fat, yet so hungry...
Juz now was the first of my touch rugby. Ppl were nice but dis time, its harder to get to noe dem coz moz of dem r oredi frm the same cls. haiz...very sian. like during intro time, its like "im ...frm quality management." den the next one, same. next one, oso same...haiz...my team is like divided to 4 grps. the qme's, the real estate n the M.E. some frm PDI. Me, the only AT...haiz, dey dun even noe wat is AT lah..hahah...den, it was like the first time i was treated "normally". haiz...but it made me feel like im living two live. the touch rugby ppl wont recognise me on normal days, n on IS module day, my classmate wont recognise me...haiz..seronok ker?? so, after touch rugby, i go chnge n its time for CATS!! i was totally lookin forward to it. actually, i was totally looking forward to "HIM". hahahaha!!! dat guy is SUPER GORGEOUS!!!!! haiz...in cats, i was very very loud...hahaha...wanna attract his attention wat...i dun care if he thinks dat im very noisy or wat, even if i did attract his attention, even if it was in the wrong way, he still acknowledge my existance wat!!! hahaha...hes juz so cute arh....when he laf...i tell u, i juz melt lah....he's tall, super white wif red skin....so ensem...i wonder if the rez of the girls think abt him the same way....i wanna tell somone frm the same cls dat i hv a crush on him. but i was kinda afraid dat dey mite take it seriously n do smthg totally idiotic....it juz a fun crush of a super ensem man lah...pls lah...like as if he even notice me...duh??? he got the kinda bad boy luk but hes very soft spoken...so my type sia....so cute some more!! i can nvr over going gaga over him!!! hahaha...i dun want dis module to end...oh my love!!! HAHAHAHAHA.....drama abit arh...~~~~ btw, next tues, the malay guys ask me if wanna go jln raya...hmm..wah...den can get to noe dem eh...not bad idea arh...but, NONE OF DEM R GOOD LUKING!!! hahaha..such a waste sia... wait, did i sound like a bitch?? errghhh...ok, ok enuf of cute guys...go do hmwk now kay??? first, find food...stomach makin rock concert inside....
i wonder wats his name...
she told
the story ...
4:27 PM
